Hi. Not been brilliant the last few days. Going through a very anxious spell. Today I was due to umpire a game of cricket, and I’ve had to pull out. Just not in the frame of mind to officiate and I just cannot face standing there, riddled with nerves, unable to concentrate.
My sleep has been all over the place too. And for people to say, what are you anxious about, well sometimes there isn’t a trigger. And I can’t just put it to one side and carry on. Once my mind is down that anxious path, it’s hard to come back from.
I say that sometimes there isn’t a trigger. Well I’ve had a lot going on this year, some of it not good. And I’ve got a major appointment coming up next Friday that is also playing on my mind. Feel very unsettled and with a feeling of fear and uncertainty. Woke up this morning and the feeling of fear and uncertainty is there. And if I’m not 100% right, I don’t go out and umpire or do anything that might compromise my well being. Simple as that.
I had to go and see my doctor on Friday. I was even anxious about seeing him. And he’s been my doctor for well over 25 years or so! Crazy, but when the mind is worrying about events past and present, even visits to the doctor can seem like scaling a mountain.
So, I’m staying in today. In bed. Don’t want to go out and face the world today, because of the fear I’ll make a fool of myself. 46 year old single man, fearful and anxious. The umpiring was going so well. But this has been the case for several years now. I start off ok, then it all goes wrong. The what if scenarios play in my head. It’s scary and unsettling.
Anxiety – don’t you just love it?