A Blank Weekend….

There is nothing straightforward about my life. A lot of happiness interspersed with a lot of unhappiness and feeling very much as if to say “Why bother?”.

Certainly that was the case last weekend. Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I didn’t go out at all. Something happened on Saturday that left me feeling pretty rubbish and caused me to react in a knee jerk way. The pot has been simmering this cricket season and I’ve managed to keep the lid on my emotions. But Saturday saw the lid fly off and the emotions spilled over. It was only the calm reasoning of a couple of people that convinced me of a stay of execution, just for now.

So that did nothing for my mindset. Also, it’s an anniversary of my late father’s death, 9th July 1991. So just as last year, my mind has been distracted and hence the emotional gasket blowing on Saturday.

Anyway, like someone falling off a horse, it was time to clamber aboard again by scoring a game on Monday and then umpiring yesterday. In fact, both days went very well. The toxicity that has been prevalent wasn’t there and the game yesterday saw a return to form and heart. It was hugely enjoyable and I felt appreciated and valued once more. Tired today after a long day yesterday.

And today I had a volunteering stint at SANE and while in the middle of a task, my brain just gave up. I decided to take a ten minute break, had a cup of tea and a snack, and felt refreshed, to complete the task successfully. That rebooted the tired mind. It was also quite oppressive and humid too and that did nothing for my state of freshness. The electric fan is whirring around now as I type.

Eventful, yes. Happy? Yes and no. But I plough on and look forward. By the way, I saw this advert today in London:-

Apt. Very apt. Get rid of that toxicity. I won’t relax until these niggling issues are sorted out. But I must keep going.

A.S.D Brooks

Author: allenbrooks44

44 year old adult living with Autism...