As you know folks, it’s been a tough time in 2019. And that news about my family member that we were all dreading, came through on Sunday. He is at peace now, no more suffering. That particular day was quite difficult, and I cried myself to sleep, something I rarely do.
But since then, the most surreal feeling has set in. It’s as though either the bad news hasn’t happened or a case of delayed shock. It’s as though the thought process in my brain has been covered over with a dark sheet, for reference for a later date. It really is bizarre. I should be very upset, in the depths of despair and feeling extremely low. But that hasn’t happened since Sunday.
I’m struggling to reason it out, and I just can’t. I saw my counsellor today and together we agreed that we all process grief and loss in our own particular ways. I have been seeing some friends and colleagues in the last few days, and been busy doing a few other things. Maybe that’s helping to control the thought process.
I remember when my mother passed back in 2010 that it didn’t hit me for a few weeks. There will be a time for all of the family that when we least expect it, the grief and sadness will take over, albeit temporarily. I suppose I will be no different. But the support, kind words and comradeship from people in the last few days has been very touching and heartwarming.
I’ve had to keep going and doing my other bits and pieces, like Peer Support, volunteering and seeing my counsellor today. It’s very unreal. But it has happened and we all have to deal with it. Sitting around and looking at the four walls isn’t the best way. Going out, albeit on windy and cold days like we’ve had recently, can only be of some benefit. Distraction techniques I think we can call it.
Anyway, loss and grief cannot be measured and if I can give two pieces of advice, they would be the following. One, don’t listen to people who think they know better about how to cope. Everyone is different and we all have our different coping strategies. Two, time is a healer in some respects. The pain will always be there, but after a while, if you keep busy, those sad thoughts stay at the back of the mind and not the front.
See you soon.