Change of mind….

Today has seen a few strange things happening to me, but in a positive way.

For the first time in about ten weeks or so, I’ve actually woken up and wanted to go out of the door, rather than forcing myself to do so. The glorious February day we have acted as an incentive too. No worries about being anxious or uptight; just breakfast, ready and away we go. Not done that for an awful long while.

Next strange happening was on the bus. Now at 8.45 in the morning, the traffic is bordering on abysmal and the bus hardly moves, such as this morning. Though I was getting annoyed, instead of panicking or getting off the bus and returning home, I had a Plan B. When I’m anxious normally, Plan B doesn’t exist, it’s either Plan A or nothing.

So I got off the snails pace bus and went by train instead. I bumped into someone I knew and we chatted for a few stops until I got off. Instead of stewing and fretting, I acted fast and got to my destination in plenty of time. Why can it be like this all the time? Again, an answer would be good but like with mental illnesses in general, answers are never forthcoming.

I breezed into the office for the Peer Support group and lo and behold, we had a customer! Yes, one whole person. But that was good. We sat and chatted for nearly two hours and it was actually worth my while being there. Positivity reigns supreme!

It’s just one of those very rare days when I feel ok, mentally and physically. I had a one to one counselling session with an old line manager of mine and that was full of positive thoughts. As I type now, that positivity is there while I look out at a clear blue sky day. For the first time since early December, I feel ok. I’ve slept ok for two days in a row. Are the bad times ending?

Never be too sure in this business. But be happy that it’s a decent day. I shall hold on to that thought.

A.S.D Brooks

Author: allenbrooks44

44 year old adult living with Autism...