Why do I have these?

To deal with the shit that gets thrown at me, that’s why. I’ve been on anti depressants since 2007. In 2017, I was diagnosed with Adult Aspergers, which is a DISABILITY. Today, I received the news from the ubiquitous Department of Work and Pensions (DWP) that I am now fit to work after an assessment in November.

I’m normally careful with what I write, but today I don’t really care. The DWP have stopped a vital lifeline. They have cut off my benefits, which is my only source of income. I am beyond angry, I am beyond any kind of reason. This is modern day Britain, where people like me who have worked and then fallen ill get kicked in the teeth, while others get help when they don’t really deserve it. I have paid my taxes and National Insurance, and this is the penalty I receive for having the audacity to be diagnosed with a disorder.

I haven’t worked full time for eight years. I cannot hold down a full time job because it’s likely that I would take time off at various stages. Companies wouldn’t take me on for that reason. But now, because I’ve been lied to and stabbed in the back by people who are supposed to be looking after you (The Welfare State), I find myself in a position similar to six years ago, where I was left with no money for three months while an appeal against the decision to find me fit for work was being considered.

Nobody gives a fuck anymore. They would rather people be left to rot and disappear off this mortal coil. Angry? You’d better believe it. I’m off the leash and people will fucking well understand what it is like to live with Autism. The anxiety, the panics, the bouts of low mood. Throw into that my environment, which is appalling, and a family which is going though personal upset as well at the moment. I don’t this to add to it. But when does right, justice and compassion ever come into it when money needs to be saved?

I will appeal. I scored 0 points. To get ESA, I need to score 15. So since 1972 (when I was born), my autism hasn’t changed. My moods, depression, anxiety and such have got better apparently!!! The guy who assessed me, well that’s just say that I didn’t trust him. And that mistrust has been borne out by events.

So I’ve got two lots of tablets. I wish I could order some pills that would just send me into a permanent sleep, so I wouldn’t have to battle and fight the mental pain that I have to deal with on a daily basis. Just a pill to take me away forever…..

One very angry and upset A.S.D Brooks signing off……

Author: allenbrooks44

44 year old adult living with Autism...