As you know, I’ve not been in a great place the last 10 days or so. But having been trapped on the ropes, I’m starting to feel a little bit better.
I must have slept well because yesterday I was in a much better frame of mind after the ghastly day on Wednesday where I just wanted to hide. It was the weekly group yesterday and though attendance was a bit paltry once more, I was delighted to see my colleagues and I was in a wisecracking and jovial mood, in total contrast to 24 hours before.
We also run a one to one Peer Support service and though I’ve abstained from being part of the therapy side of things, I decided to see my old line manager yesterday as she is a trained counsellor and I was in need of some offloading. And it was a very worthwhile 45 minutes. We hadn’t been in touch for a while and it was good to discuss what has been troubling me. I don’t really want to go back to my CBT counsellor as these feelings may only last a short time. I’m always willing to try something a little different in a different environment and I felt a lot better about life having offloaded. My next appointment is in a couple of weeks.
Today, on what is a very cold, wintry day, I had some lunch with an old school acquaintance and we shared plenty of laughs and stories from times past. He made the valid point that I’m in a good place when doing things and seeing people. Tempting though it is to spend a period in isolation, it’s counter productive. I do have these crashes from time to time and I do bounce back off the ropes. My head seems a lot clearer and I’m a lot more “in the room” mentally as well as physically. I’ve processed the bad news I’ve had sufficiently and I should be back to enjoying the things I enjoy doing.
So a fight back. We’re all resilient to some degree or other and I’ve built up a layer of resistance over the last eight years. That’s not to say that some things penetrate that layer, like last week. But managing these crashes is all to the common good and I’m learning all the time to keep these down periods to an absolute minimum. It’s having a good network of people and friends looking out for you, and I think I have that. So vital and I value that network so much. If I didn’t have that network, well the consequences would be far reaching.
As I said the other day, there are some good people out there, if you look hard enough. Pearls and gems.