Just a few things to share with you. I don’t mention much about my autism diagnosis but a few things have occurred in the last 10 days which are worthy of note.
Remember the mad scramble to make that appointment last Monday. Late buses and a frantic dash to get there just in time. Disruption to routine. Disruption to plans and a fear of being late and letting the company down who I volunteer for. Those thoughts race through my scrambled mind when everything is going wrong. Also I get angry and start to castigate the world at large. It’s rare this happens but happen it does and I’m best avoided.
On Saturday, I attended a 50th birthday celebration for one of my wonderful colleagues. There were 25 or so other people there and though that sounds a small number, in the pub beforehand, it seemed like a lot. It was warm and quite cramped in there and I was quiet, as another colleague noted. Let me make it clear that large gatherings of people can set off feelings of shyness and not being interesting enough to engage in conversation. This is a feeling that pre-dates my autism diagnosis by some 30-40 years. Never been much good in social situations, they more than slightly unnerve me.
So that’s what’s been happening to me autism wise in the last 10 days. The reason I try not to mention it too often is that I manage most of the time to carry on with life and I’m generally ok. That’s not to say that ASD lurks menacingly in the background, ready to make an unwitting appearance. Keeping busy-ish with volunteering, sport, and gym helps ward off the feelings, for the most part. The last ten days has thrown up a couple of examples where the diagnosis tries to dominate. But I don’t let it.